Stealing an ambulance? Bad idea. Leading police on a reckless chase? Worse idea. Slamming the last sip of beer while cops close in? The pinnacle of foolishness. That’s exactly what Tampa’s Michael J. Esquilin allegedly did after two full days of drinking. By the time Florida Highway Patrol caught up, his getaway ambulance may have been out of gas, but his commitment to bad decision-making was still running full throttle.

A drunk Florida man, a stolen ambulance, and a terrible getaway

It all started at HCA South Tampa Hospital. Esquilin, 43, had been drinking for two straight days and wanted a ride home. When paramedics refused, he allegedly decided to take matters—and the nearest ambulance—into his own hands.

According to the Florida Highway Patrol, police officers responded to a stolen ambulance report at 8:30 p.m. They spotted Esquilin ten minutes later, but he wasn’t about to pull over. “A pursuit ensued and continued for several miles, during which time the driver ran several stop signs, drove on the wrong side of the road, and nearly collided with several other motorists,” FHP said.

Esquilin’s ambulance had no emergency lights on. He blew through intersections, swerved into oncoming traffic, and somehow avoided disaster. Finally, he stopped at South Hubert Avenue and West Empedrado Street. But before surrendering, he had one last order of business. “At the intersection… the driver came to a stop and finished drinking a beer in full view of troopers.”

He fought the law, and the law won

The arrest didn’t go smoothly. As officers moved in, Esquilin refused to let go of the steering wheel. “As Troopers and Tampa Police Officers attempted to take the driver… into custody, he tightly held onto the steering wheel of the ambulance to resist arrest.” Eventually, they pried him loose and took him to the Hillsborough County Jail.

Esquilin now faces a stack of charges: burglary and grand theft of an emergency vehicle, fleeing and eluding, DUI (his fifth), resisting arrest, and driving while suspended. At his hearing, prosecutors didn’t hold back. “He does have four prior DUIs… There’s a complete disregard for authority in this case.”

The judge wasn’t amused either. “Based on the nature and circumstances [of] the offenses… which indicates a risk of harm to the community… no alcohol during the pendency of this case.” Esquilin was ordered to wear a GPS monitor and remain sober while awaiting trial.

Florida man got a free ambulance ride—just not the one he wanted

Michael J. Esquilin didn’t get a free ride home, but he did get a complimentary trip to jail. And thanks to his four prior DUIs, a judge ensured he wouldn’t be making any more beer-fueled joyrides anytime soon. Next time, maybe just call an Uber—or better yet, rethink the whole “drinking for two days straight” strategy.

You can see video of Esquilin’s arrest and trial embedded below: