Imagine you’re an Australian Federal Police officer chasing down a tip on a drug smuggling operation off the Queensland coast. For weeks, you’ve watched suspects, and even located a mothership in international waters. Then fate throws you a bone: the criminals call you. Their smuggling boat broke down, stranding its crew in the middle of the ocean. They’re sitting ducks—11 miles from land.

On December 2nd, the police made their move. They boarded the disabled boat and arrested two smugglers. Their prize? A staggering 2.34 metric tons of cocaine, Australia’s largest haul ever. Commander Stephen Jay didn’t mince words: “This alleged attempt to collect more than 2 tons of cocaine from the ocean shows that criminals will do anything for their own greed and profit.”

Faulty boats sank the smugglers’ plan twice

What’s funnier than a boatload of smugglers breaking down? Two boatloads of smugglers breaking down. Yes, this was their second try. Their first boat failed days earlier, and the replacement conked out, too. Despite $494 million worth of motivation, nobody checked the engines. This operation was cursed from the start.

The fishing boat had been ferrying the drugs from a mothership—still floating free in international waters—back to shore. Packed into 51 bales wrapped in rope netting, the cocaine had a street value of $494 million USD. That’s enough for 11.7 million doses and one very awkward group chat in whatever app gangs use.

Authorities didn’t stop with the two smugglers on a boat. Eleven more suspects waited onshore, including two juveniles and the Brisbane vice president of the Comanchero motorcycle gang. Arrests happened everywhere from a fast-food restaurant to a traffic stop to one unlucky suspect’s Brisbane home.

Commander Jay noted Australia’s unique appeal to smugglers. “Australia is a very attractive market for organized criminal groups to send drugs such as cocaine.” With sky-high street prices, this record haul was destined for big profits—until the engines had other plans.

Cautionary tale for aspiring outlaws

This wasn’t just Australia’s largest cocaine bust; it was a comedy of errors. The mothership which came from an unnamed South American country, still bobbing innocently on international waters, managed to avoid capture. But their attempts to bring the goods ashore ended in mechanical failure, mass arrests, and headlines across the globe.

Commander Jay delivered a grim takeaway: “Criminals risk their own lives to smuggle drugs into Australia with no regard to the harm they cause to Australian communities.” But after two failed boats and a mountain of evidence, it’s safe to say these crooks will need more than a tune-up to bounce back.